AUTHOR: Dave Sypniewski DATE: Monday, November 28, 2005 ----- BODY: "Surprised" is the word to describe they way I felt when I heard Dick Clark is going ahead with plans to host his New Year's Eve special! I thought the man died years ago! Then I remembered, it was just open heart surgery. Heck, even if he is dead they'd keep him on ice until they can one day find a cure for what killed him. Meanwhile, they'd wheel in his corpse every year at 11:59 to be there for the countdown. What happened to Carson Daily hosting? Did Mr. Clark already pull the rug from under Carson's feet? Not to be outdone by ABC, FOX has reeled in Regis Philbin for an action packed night. This is going to also be a contest to see who the bigger pervert of the two is, considering Clark is having 18 year old Hilary Duff as his co-host and Regis is said to be having either Jessica or Ashlee Simpson. In either case, both of these old stiffs ought to be ashamed of themselves for wanting to go on TV and drool over these girls, who I would imagine will show up half naked. The two codgers have no reason to be up until midnight anyway...any other person at the Old Folks Home is tucked into bed for the night at 8:00! I mention what you might expect that evening now, because if you're the type of person who prefers just staying home and tuning in one of these shows, there's still plenty of time left to make other plans. This may finally be the last year for "America's oldest living teenager" because I'm tired of the guy for one thing, and in Regis' case, he reads everything off the teleprompter. In Clark's defense, I'd imagine he actually kept up with "who's who" in music up until the early 1970's. In 2005 however, I'd bet my life that neither of these two nincumpoops knows "The Black Eyed Peas" other than one of the items on a Soul Food Diner's late night menu. And how long has Fergie been in the group and why did she give up being the Dutchess of York for the music business?! These guys do nothing other than kiss ass when they're on television and they're about as hip as a Hoola-Hoop. I think they need to give these guys a nice send off in a few weeks...Let them take their final bows and get in some fresh blood. Clark may still have a chance to redeem himself if he gets rid of the Hip-Hop and R&B and gets some good old Rock and Roll however, I say again, the only time I can picture Dick Clark saying the name "Blink 182" is at the Pep Boys when he's reading the number off his turn signal's burned out blinker bulb. Who am I kidding? He's got one of his people to do that for him too! -------- Squealing Pig WORLDWIDE!: New Year's Eve of The Living Dead OR "Dirty Old Men"

Squealing Pig WORLDWIDE!

Monday, November 28, 2005

New Year's Eve of The Living Dead OR "Dirty Old Men"

"Surprised" is the word to describe they way I felt when I heard Dick Clark is going ahead with plans to host his New Year's Eve special! I thought the man died years ago! Then I remembered, it was just open heart surgery. Heck, even if he is dead they'd keep him on ice until they can one day find a cure for what killed him. Meanwhile, they'd wheel in his corpse every year at 11:59 to be there for the countdown. What happened to Carson Daily hosting? Did Mr. Clark already pull the rug from under Carson's feet? Not to be outdone by ABC, FOX has reeled in Regis Philbin for an action packed night. This is going to also be a contest to see who the bigger pervert of the two is, considering Clark is having 18 year old Hilary Duff as his co-host and Regis is said to be having either Jessica or Ashlee Simpson. In either case, both of these old stiffs ought to be ashamed of themselves for wanting to go on TV and drool over these girls, who I would imagine will show up half naked. The two codgers have no reason to be up until midnight anyway...any other person at the Old Folks Home is tucked into bed for the night at 8:00! I mention what you might expect that evening now, because if you're the type of person who prefers just staying home and tuning in one of these shows, there's still plenty of time left to make other plans. This may finally be the last year for "America's oldest living teenager" because I'm tired of the guy for one thing, and in Regis' case, he reads everything off the teleprompter. In Clark's defense, I'd imagine he actually kept up with "who's who" in music up until the early 1970's. In 2005 however, I'd bet my life that neither of these two nincumpoops knows "The Black Eyed Peas" other than one of the items on a Soul Food Diner's late night menu. And how long has Fergie been in the group and why did she give up being the Dutchess of York for the music business?! These guys do nothing other than kiss ass when they're on television and they're about as hip as a Hoola-Hoop. I think they need to give these guys a nice send off in a few weeks...Let them take their final bows and get in some fresh blood. Clark may still have a chance to redeem himself if he gets rid of the Hip-Hop and R&B and gets some good old Rock and Roll however, I say again, the only time I can picture Dick Clark saying the name "Blink 182" is at the Pep Boys when he's reading the number off his turn signal's burned out blinker bulb. Who am I kidding? He's got one of his people to do that for him too!

posted by Dave Sypniewski at Monday, November 28, 2005

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