AUTHOR: Dave Sypniewski DATE: Friday, September 30, 2005 ----- BODY: Those nutty promoters are at it again...a few steps out the door yesterday afternoon and a humming noise made me look to the skies where another blimp was circling the Chicagoland area to promote a concert Saturday by Jessica Simpson, sponsored by Chevrolet. I wouldn't give the gum off the bottom of my shoe to attend however, you can put your wallet away and close your purse. This show is free at the Tweeter Center. All you have to do is go to a Chicago area Chevy dealer to get the tickets. I'm sure there's a catch, like having to test drive a 2006 Chevy Cobalt and pretending you're going to buy it. There's also a catch: you must be under 18 to attend. Anyone OVER 18 and male will be considered a pervert at a concert venue full of 8th grade girls! There's more talent in my wee-wee than there is in Jessica's singing voice. She's one of the "cookie-cutter" performers to spring out of Orlando. Sure, everyone remembers the "Chicken of the Sea" bit where she actually thought there were chickens breeding in the ocean...Hey, she's not dumb. After seeing several interviews with her, she's got the whole thing calculated. Take for example the picture to the left...it looks like all it takes is one glass of white wine and she's ready to go. But NO! Jessica claims that she always puts God first and her husband Nick behind. Well, a person like that doesn't prance around in her Victoria's Secret undergarments to go to church. If that were the case, I'd show up in my "Fruit of the Looms" skid marks and all! There's also a rumor floating around that her marriage has hit the skids and she's sticking around only so she doesn't wreck her career. What career? Let's see, Barbera Streisand can get a few thousand bucks for a seat at one of her shows, and Jessica? FREE. Oh, by the way, "The Dukes of Hazzard" movie was great. Isn't it already on video? Jessica's home is directly on target to get burned down from the wildfires in California. If I were her, I'd nix the concert and save all my crap...Oh boy. Watch out Jessica, one of these days your boots may walk all over you! THAT'S the way I see it! -------- Squealing Pig WORLDWIDE!: Burning down the house...without the concert at "Tweeter Center"

Squealing Pig WORLDWIDE!

Friday, September 30, 2005

Burning down the house...without the concert at "Tweeter Center"

Those nutty promoters are at it again...a few steps out the door yesterday afternoon and a humming noise made me look to the skies where another blimp was circling the Chicagoland area to promote a concert Saturday by Jessica Simpson, sponsored by Chevrolet. I wouldn't give the gum off the bottom of my shoe to attend however, you can put your wallet away and close your purse. This show is free at the Tweeter Center. All you have to do is go to a Chicago area Chevy dealer to get the tickets. I'm sure there's a catch, like having to test drive a 2006 Chevy Cobalt and pretending you're going to buy it. There's also a catch: you must be under 18 to attend. Anyone OVER 18 and male will be considered a pervert at a concert venue full of 8th grade girls! There's more talent in my wee-wee than there is in Jessica's singing voice. She's one of the "cookie-cutter" performers to spring out of Orlando. Sure, everyone remembers the "Chicken of the Sea" bit where she actually thought there were chickens breeding in the ocean...Hey, she's not dumb. After seeing several interviews with her, she's got the whole thing calculated. Take for example the picture to the left...it looks like all it takes is one glass of white wine and she's ready to go. But NO! Jessica claims that she always puts God first and her husband Nick behind. Well, a person like that doesn't prance around in her Victoria's Secret undergarments to go to church. If that were the case, I'd show up in my "Fruit of the Looms" skid marks and all! There's also a rumor floating around that her marriage has hit the skids and she's sticking around only so she doesn't wreck her career. What career? Let's see, Barbera Streisand can get a few thousand bucks for a seat at one of her shows, and Jessica? FREE. Oh, by the way, "The Dukes of Hazzard" movie was great. Isn't it already on video? Jessica's home is directly on target to get burned down from the wildfires in California. If I were her, I'd nix the concert and save all my crap...Oh boy. Watch out Jessica, one of these days your boots may walk all over you! THAT'S the way I see it!

posted by Dave Sypniewski at Friday, September 30, 2005

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