If it quacks like a duck, it's foie gras!, the 150lb baby, and Geraldo's new asshole!"
It may look like a duck, walk like a duck, and quack like a duck. If it's seen at a Chicago restaurant on the menu, it better not be a duck or the owner and chef that prepared it will be getting a big fine. One Chicago Alderman led a crusade against foie gras which is enlarged duck liver by ducks fed corn. This yo yo persuaded the City Council that this was inhumane treatment. Meanwhile, steaks, ,porkchops and the cattle and pigs they come from die without a fight just before getting their necks sliced open and chopped up with a meat cleaver. One of the first Chicago chefs to stomp his feet and cry was Charlie Trotter. This foie gras has people travel from all over the world to eat the centerpiece of Trotter's menu. Since buying foie gras is illegal now, how can they keep it on the menu with no price? Easy. A $10 bowl of soup and a $15 salad. Buy these things together and they'll reward you with a free duck liver dinner! Ok, that's great. I guess for some people, fatty duck liver incresed double in size is good eating. That poor duck. God forbid the killing was in humane. Take a trip out West where you'll find "Rocky Mountain Oysters" ...otherwise known as cow testicles. They deep fry 'em and eat 'em like popcorn. Don't blame Mayor Daley...it isn't his fault. No, I wouldn't venture into the arena of eating animals internal organs, but where do I go from here? Lettuce is good only for a while. Seriously, there's 101 problems in Chicago. What about the people checking the mail who get gunned down? What a bunch of hooey! Come out this way and foie gras will be for everyone. Not for me...I'm not gonna eat some animals internal organs...you all must be nuts! Remember Carnie Wilson? She was a member of the 80's power trio "Wilson Phillips" Everything was dandy until Carnie grew bigger and bigger, and soon looked like a shadow of Mama Cass. Dieting didn't help. As a last resort, Carnie had gasteobypass surgery and in the end looked pretty damn good (see the skinny one above) run that included guest appearances on all the major talk shows and with us being bombarded with her commercials about her surgery, Carnie got married and looked good. After becoming pregnant, Carnie has blown up again. She managed to put her 150 lb weight gain on the fact she was expecting. During this time, the Wilson-Phillips reunion CD was put on hiatus. If ANY woman I know gains 150lbs due to a baby...time to find another Doctor, Beetch! Hey, I'll betchya Geraldo had a hard time sitting down on his keester on Wednesday night! Why? Geraldo's lackeys decided to pursue some "facts" not heard anywhere else about the guy, John Karr who says he killed the girl. Nobody wanted to speak to Geraldo except for Patsy Ramsey's sister. While we didn't learn anything new, we did get to see Paulette Davis reem Geraldo a new asshole. She told Geraldo that he's been making a mockery out of this case for over ten years and said Geraldo's point of view makes it look like a sketch on Saturday Night Live. She then said that the late mom of Jon Bonet went to the grave hoping that Geraldo 's attitude towards the story will push him to the front of the line to get into hell. Truth is, he's been at the front of the line already for years...Springer and Maury Povich are right behind him!
posted by Dave Sypniewski at
Thursday, August 24, 2006
