AUTHOR: Dave Sypniewski DATE: Thursday, May 11, 2006 ----- BODY: American Idol's Simon Cowell may have given the boot to singer Chris Daughrty in a surprising twist that shocked fans worldwide, but I have an idea for Chris that could very well be another ticket to fame. The resemblance is uncanny when taking a publicity photo of Chris Daughrty and one of action hero Vin Diesel. Can YOU tell the two apart? Even their career ambitions have somewhat shared similar roads. Daughrty had his mind set on being a singer until Simon Cowell put the brakes on that. Meanwhile, Vin Diesel was hoping to take over as action star from an aging Bruce Willis and that never happened either thanks in part to a string of bad movies and experimenting with comedy. Diesel's success with The Fast and The Furious led him to believe that he was ten feet tall and bulletproof and that he was automatically in a position to pick and choose movie roles and demand enormous amounts of money. Because of his inability to sit down and do interviews or go on late night talk shows and be honest, as well as an awful guest appearance hosting Saturday Night Live, his telephone had stopped ringing. Vin should have just swallowed his pride and did the sequel to The Fast and The Furious instead of holding out for three times the money he made for the first one. They made the movie without him anyway and as it turns out, it was a bigger box office hit without him in it! A few years later, what's Diesel up to now? He's making films that you may only get to see at the Cannes Movie Festival or the Sundance Movie Festival where independent Producers recruit actors for loose change. His most recent film was Thank You For Smoking (Which also featured soon to be Mrs. Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes) and didn't attract too many people to the cineplex. I understand Vin Diesel likes to play guitar as a hobby. Here's a chance for FOX to cash in on the both of them. "Trading Places" has Daughrty doing screentests for Die Hard 5 while Diesel sharpens up his music skills and works with a vocal coach. In the end, when Diesel sharpens his skills, he can go on American Idol for a good lambasting from Simon Cowell and be sent home. These two have nothing to lose and with all the crazy programs on FOX already, this idea isn't too far fetched. Moo and Oink want Big Momma to be happy this Sunday. Anyone living in or around Chicago is familiar with the Moo and Oink grocery store commercials. Usually found during commercial breaks of Bernie Mac or My Wife and Kids, the cheaply made, shoddy ads invite Chicagoans to visit one of their stores for a sale on pig knuckles, ham hocks, collard greens, and chitlins...most importantly, Colt 45 and MD 20/20 and cigarettes sold individually straight out of the pack for 15 cents a smoke. Now, I don't ever find myself in the vicinity of 61st and Racine or 75th and Stony Island to stop in and visit however, they're having a contest which is open to everyone to come up with a catchy new jingle. Not only can your song appear in one of their commercials, but when the winner is chosen tomorrow, Moo and Oink will come out to your neck of the woods on Sunday and fix a Mother's Day supper for Momma. They'll do all the work, bring all the food, and just leave behind greasy paper plates while Momma can just sit and "chill" sippin' on a 40. The thing about soul food is that whatever animal it is you're eating, nothing is left behind. Even the bones are licked clean. You eat a pig, you eat the eyeballs, tongue, tail, and that's "Mmmm good eating!" While I'm clueless at playing an instrument, I can write lyrics and have someone else do the music. Which I did. I hope my Mother answers the doorbell on Sunday. I've got the inside track that I'm in the running as a finalist. You might tell your Mom to save you a chicken leg for dinner, but I'll make sure she saves me the snout. No need to clean the nostrils either. (While there is indeed such a contest, yours truly has not entered. Pig snout gives me heartburn anyway!). Oh yeah, THAT'S how I see it all today. Oink. Oink. -------- Squealing Pig WORLDWIDE!: "Diesel's engine gets stuck in Idol" and "Moo, Oink, and Momma's Day"

Squealing Pig WORLDWIDE!

Thursday, May 11, 2006

"Diesel's engine gets stuck in Idol" and "Moo, Oink, and Momma's Day"

American Idol's Simon Cowell may have given the boot to singer Chris Daughrty in a surprising twist that shocked fans worldwide, but I have an idea for Chris that could very well be another ticket to fame. The resemblance is uncanny when taking a publicity photo of Chris Daughrty and one of action hero Vin Diesel. Can YOU tell the two apart? Even their career ambitions have somewhat shared similar roads. Daughrty had his mind set on being a singer until Simon Cowell put the brakes on that. Meanwhile, Vin Diesel was hoping to take over as action star from an aging Bruce Willis and that never happened either thanks in part to a string of bad movies and experimenting with comedy. Diesel's success with The Fast and The Furious led him to believe that he was ten feet tall and bulletproof and that he was automatically in a position to pick and choose movie roles and demand enormous amounts of money. Because of his inability to sit down and do interviews or go on late night talk shows and be honest, as well as an awful guest appearance hosting Saturday Night Live, his telephone had stopped ringing. Vin should have just swallowed his pride and did the sequel to The Fast and The Furious instead of holding out for three times the money he made for the first one. They made the movie without him anyway and as it turns out, it was a bigger box office hit without him in it! A few years later, what's Diesel up to now? He's making films that you may only get to see at the Cannes Movie Festival or the Sundance Movie Festival where independent Producers recruit actors for loose change. His most recent film was Thank You For Smoking (Which also featured soon to be Mrs. Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes) and didn't attract too many people to the cineplex. I understand Vin Diesel likes to play guitar as a hobby. Here's a chance for FOX to cash in on the both of them. "Trading Places" has Daughrty doing screentests for Die Hard 5 while Diesel sharpens up his music skills and works with a vocal coach. In the end, when Diesel sharpens his skills, he can go on American Idol for a good lambasting from Simon Cowell and be sent home. These two have nothing to lose and with all the crazy programs on FOX already, this idea isn't too far fetched. Moo and Oink want Big Momma to be happy this Sunday. Anyone living in or around Chicago is familiar with the Moo and Oink grocery store commercials. Usually found during commercial breaks of Bernie Mac or My Wife and Kids, the cheaply made, shoddy ads invite Chicagoans to visit one of their stores for a sale on pig knuckles, ham hocks, collard greens, and chitlins...most importantly, Colt 45 and MD 20/20 and cigarettes sold individually straight out of the pack for 15 cents a smoke. Now, I don't ever find myself in the vicinity of 61st and Racine or 75th and Stony Island to stop in and visit however, they're having a contest which is open to everyone to come up with a catchy new jingle. Not only can your song appear in one of their commercials, but when the winner is chosen tomorrow, Moo and Oink will come out to your neck of the woods on Sunday and fix a Mother's Day supper for Momma. They'll do all the work, bring all the food, and just leave behind greasy paper plates while Momma can just sit and "chill" sippin' on a 40. The thing about soul food is that whatever animal it is you're eating, nothing is left behind. Even the bones are licked clean. You eat a pig, you eat the eyeballs, tongue, tail, and that's "Mmmm good eating!" While I'm clueless at playing an instrument, I can write lyrics and have someone else do the music. Which I did. I hope my Mother answers the doorbell on Sunday. I've got the inside track that I'm in the running as a finalist. You might tell your Mom to save you a chicken leg for dinner, but I'll make sure she saves me the snout. No need to clean the nostrils either. (While there is indeed such a contest, yours truly has not entered. Pig snout gives me heartburn anyway!). Oh yeah, THAT'S how I see it all today. Oink. Oink.

posted by Dave Sypniewski at Thursday, May 11, 2006

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