AUTHOR: Dave Sypniewski DATE: Friday, April 21, 2006 ----- BODY: HERE AT THE SQUEALING PIG WORLDWIDE, WE GIVE YOU THE LATEST NEWS THAT YOU CAN USE FOR WHATEVER YOU WANT...HOWEVER, YOU MAY WANT TO THINK TWICE ABOUT DOING ANYTHING WITH THESE GUYS. Remember a few years ago when all the talk was how cool it was to be "Metrosexual"? Honest to God, I still don't know what that means...is that the same thing as buying kotex for the wife at Walgreen's or having her plunge the plugged up crapper in the bathroom? All I can say is, thank goodness that's one definition that isn't going to make it into Websters. Boy, I hate to admit it. Reading that the homosexuals are all charged up and ready to go again is like a breath of fresh air! At least this is a case of black and white...no gray areas here. These guys are damn proud they're gay and dammit, so are you! You bought at least one cassette or CD from these guys that you pop in the stereo or secretly sing along in the car when a song comes on the radio. I start with George Michael. Wham U.K. was big in the mid 80's before he and his shagging partner called it quits and went solo. Since then, he's been caught with his pants down in a truck stop bathroom stall and has been arrested a dozen times for drugs. After his being in the news a few years ago, he said he was done with making music and was retiring. Just like Sandburg, Jordan, and Gretzgy, retirement is only a word that's spoken or written on a piece of paper. You'll all be glad to know that George hasn't missed a beat since the last time around. We'll still get to see the pastel clothing and the three day beard growth. Did he steal this from Don Johnson or the other way around? All I know is, when I began college in '87 I didn't have anything by Wham U.K. or George Michael. Somewhere, somehow, some son of a bitch (or maybe several) decided it would be a good gag to "unload" their cassettes and CD's into my collection of several hundred items as if I wasn't going to notice. Well, they were right. There's a lot of stuff I don't remember about SIU however, I'M POSITIVE I never bought any of the stuff! The other half of the story is Victor Willis of "The Village People". He was the lead singer and dressed like Ponch and John from CHiPs. To read that he too is battling addiction in the same facility as Leif Garrett is too surreal! Quite honestly I thought all the original members of the group had died of AIDS at least 20 years ago. That was the one time where during "Y.M.C.A." you could see the cowboy and indian getting along in harmony and feeling one another up before the song was over! So while this guy is in the program to put down the crack pipe, the original members of the group have promised him that if he gets off the dope, they'll reunite and hit the road for a tour. You know what that means, don't you? Just like Billy Idol, The Go-Go's, Blondie, Meatloaf, Simple Minds and The Psychedelic Furs, you can expect to see them at The House of Blues for $50 a ticket. Yeah, you'd better believe that for that amount of cash, I'd put down that glass pipe too. They're all coming back. You've been warned! This has been a special INVESTIGATIVE REPORT. -------- Squealing Pig WORLDWIDE!: A SQUEALING PIG INVESTIGATIVE REPORT!!!

Squealing Pig WORLDWIDE!

Friday, April 21, 2006

A SQUEALING PIG INVESTIGATIVE REPORT!!!

HERE AT THE SQUEALING PIG WORLDWIDE, WE GIVE YOU THE LATEST NEWS THAT YOU CAN USE FOR WHATEVER YOU WANT...HOWEVER, YOU MAY WANT TO THINK TWICE ABOUT DOING ANYTHING WITH THESE GUYS. Remember a few years ago when all the talk was how cool it was to be "Metrosexual"? Honest to God, I still don't know what that means...is that the same thing as buying kotex for the wife at Walgreen's or having her plunge the plugged up crapper in the bathroom? All I can say is, thank goodness that's one definition that isn't going to make it into Websters. Boy, I hate to admit it. Reading that the homosexuals are all charged up and ready to go again is like a breath of fresh air! At least this is a case of black and white...no gray areas here. These guys are damn proud they're gay and dammit, so are you! You bought at least one cassette or CD from these guys that you pop in the stereo or secretly sing along in the car when a song comes on the radio. I start with George Michael. Wham U.K. was big in the mid 80's before he and his shagging partner called it quits and went solo. Since then, he's been caught with his pants down in a truck stop bathroom stall and has been arrested a dozen times for drugs. After his being in the news a few years ago, he said he was done with making music and was retiring. Just like Sandburg, Jordan, and Gretzgy, retirement is only a word that's spoken or written on a piece of paper. You'll all be glad to know that George hasn't missed a beat since the last time around. We'll still get to see the pastel clothing and the three day beard growth. Did he steal this from Don Johnson or the other way around? All I know is, when I began college in '87 I didn't have anything by Wham U.K. or George Michael. Somewhere, somehow, some son of a bitch (or maybe several) decided it would be a good gag to "unload" their cassettes and CD's into my collection of several hundred items as if I wasn't going to notice. Well, they were right. There's a lot of stuff I don't remember about SIU however, I'M POSITIVE I never bought any of the stuff! The other half of the story is Victor Willis of "The Village People". He was the lead singer and dressed like Ponch and John from CHiPs. To read that he too is battling addiction in the same facility as Leif Garrett is too surreal! Quite honestly I thought all the original members of the group had died of AIDS at least 20 years ago. That was the one time where during "Y.M.C.A." you could see the cowboy and indian getting along in harmony and feeling one another up before the song was over! So while this guy is in the program to put down the crack pipe, the original members of the group have promised him that if he gets off the dope, they'll reunite and hit the road for a tour. You know what that means, don't you? Just like Billy Idol, The Go-Go's, Blondie, Meatloaf, Simple Minds and The Psychedelic Furs, you can expect to see them at The House of Blues for $50 a ticket. Yeah, you'd better believe that for that amount of cash, I'd put down that glass pipe too. They're all coming back. You've been warned! This has been a special INVESTIGATIVE REPORT.

posted by Dave Sypniewski at Friday, April 21, 2006

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home