AUTHOR: Dave Sypniewski DATE: Tuesday, April 11, 2006 ----- BODY: What's the deal with this show called "American Inventor"? This silly show was the brainstorm of Simon Cowell and I give it two thumbs down...way down. Have you had the opportunity to watch one of the Thursday night airings? It's nothing short of a train wreck. Before these future inventors put on a song and dance like they're selling snake oil, they stand before the panel of judges and spill their guts. There's always someone on the panel that makes it a point to ask the person how dedicated they are with the project and how much they've invested in it. Take the guy in the photo on the left for example. What a great idea he's got here. Take two empty five gallon buckets of paint and attach sandal straps on the lids to insert your feet. This invention makes it a piece of cake to paint the ceiling in your living room without climbing up and down a ladder! Too bad that another way to do the same thing is as simple as attaching a threaded broomstick to the handle of the paint roller. Other inventions featured included a baby nipple that attaches to bottled water and a frisbee on a long rope that you throw into the water to rescue a drowning person. So what kind of sacrafice do these folks make? Cashing in their 401K, getting a second mortgage on their house, taking their kids college money, getting a divorce, selling a kidney and quitting their job to devote full attention to the invention. The guy with the paint buckets? He's invested $80,000 so far and will keep going until he's broke and homeless! There's no Simon on this show, but the next best thing is an inventor who doubles a judge on the panel. Always dressed in an Hawaiian shirt, Doug Hall makes Simon look like a Boy Scout. In the month the show has been on, Hall has shot down every single idea that was presented. The other judges are starting to get annoyed because this guy claims to have seen everything already for sale on the market. The jackass has claimed to work in a hospital, Parker Brothers, Tommy Hilfiger, Sony, Lucasfilms and more where he says he's worked with all these inventions on a daily basis as far back as 20 years ago. Unless they give Hall the boot, they're not going to get anywhere. Only thing Hall is good for is poking fun at contestants, yelling at them and calling them stupid for wasting their life savings on something stupid, and making them cry or pissed. Thursday could be the day when the other judges physically lift him from his chair and throw him out the door! Thank you Jesse White for wrecking my special day! I've got a birthday coming up in a couple of days which is no big deal really however, when checking the mailbox everyday, no cards yet UNLESS you count the lovely greeting I received from the Secretary of State's office reminding me my license will expire in 48 hours. I've got a clean driving record and this only adds to my being confused. You see, people I know get tickets, get into accidents and so on. For them, renewing the license is as simple as going on the Internet, paying the $10 renewal fee, and then they get a sticker in the mail to place on the back of the license and they're good to go for another five years. Did I mention glasses? Some of these people have glasses too and can still renew over the Internet with no problem. For me? Life isn't that easy. The letter states I must come in to one of their facilities for a vision test...and that makes me sick! The last time I went, I had to return to the facility three times because I failed the test and was forced to spend over $300 on new glasses. When I went back again, they made me take the test again even though I went there immediately upon leaving the eye doctor. I took the test and the woman behind the counter said, "Gee, I don't know. This really isn't good but I'll let you squeak by. You'd better go back to the eye doctor though!" Yeah, I jumped right on it. I've come to the conclusion that if I were a 98 year old man half deaf and blind as a bat who's also senile, I wouldn't have all the crap that I'm getting now. This is why George Ryan still belongs in office rather than letting some jury decide if his future plans include a federal prison. When Ryan was Secretary of State, we didn't have to cut through all this red tape to get a license renewal. If I failed the vision test, all I had to do is slide the emplyee behind the counter a $20 bill and the next step would be sitting in front of that blue curtain for my photo to be taken, and finally, wait for the laminating machine to spit out the finished product. Jesse White and Rod Blagoyavich wrecked the "right way" of doing business for all of us. As I wait to go and get my renewal when I'm damn good and ready, I'm going to keep on driving. When I do go to the driving facility and they tell me I need new glasses, I'll be faxing a copy of the bill to Jesse White and I sure hope he's got a few hundred clams in his checkbook, because he's writing me a check. Illinois screws you any way they can! I'm outta here! -------- Squealing Pig WORLDWIDE!: "There's no such thing as a good invention" and "A Birthday migrane courtesy of Jesse White"

Squealing Pig WORLDWIDE!

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

"There's no such thing as a good invention" and "A Birthday migrane courtesy of Jesse White"

What's the deal with this show called "American Inventor"? This silly show was the brainstorm of Simon Cowell and I give it two thumbs down...way down. Have you had the opportunity to watch one of the Thursday night airings? It's nothing short of a train wreck. Before these future inventors put on a song and dance like they're selling snake oil, they stand before the panel of judges and spill their guts. There's always someone on the panel that makes it a point to ask the person how dedicated they are with the project and how much they've invested in it. Take the guy in the photo on the left for example. What a great idea he's got here. Take two empty five gallon buckets of paint and attach sandal straps on the lids to insert your feet. This invention makes it a piece of cake to paint the ceiling in your living room without climbing up and down a ladder! Too bad that another way to do the same thing is as simple as attaching a threaded broomstick to the handle of the paint roller. Other inventions featured included a baby nipple that attaches to bottled water and a frisbee on a long rope that you throw into the water to rescue a drowning person. So what kind of sacrafice do these folks make? Cashing in their 401K, getting a second mortgage on their house, taking their kids college money, getting a divorce, selling a kidney and quitting their job to devote full attention to the invention. The guy with the paint buckets? He's invested $80,000 so far and will keep going until he's broke and homeless! There's no Simon on this show, but the next best thing is an inventor who doubles a judge on the panel. Always dressed in an Hawaiian shirt, Doug Hall makes Simon look like a Boy Scout. In the month the show has been on, Hall has shot down every single idea that was presented. The other judges are starting to get annoyed because this guy claims to have seen everything already for sale on the market. The jackass has claimed to work in a hospital, Parker Brothers, Tommy Hilfiger, Sony, Lucasfilms and more where he says he's worked with all these inventions on a daily basis as far back as 20 years ago. Unless they give Hall the boot, they're not going to get anywhere. Only thing Hall is good for is poking fun at contestants, yelling at them and calling them stupid for wasting their life savings on something stupid, and making them cry or pissed. Thursday could be the day when the other judges physically lift him from his chair and throw him out the door! Thank you Jesse White for wrecking my special day! I've got a birthday coming up in a couple of days which is no big deal really however, when checking the mailbox everyday, no cards yet UNLESS you count the lovely greeting I received from the Secretary of State's office reminding me my license will expire in 48 hours. I've got a clean driving record and this only adds to my being confused. You see, people I know get tickets, get into accidents and so on. For them, renewing the license is as simple as going on the Internet, paying the $10 renewal fee, and then they get a sticker in the mail to place on the back of the license and they're good to go for another five years. Did I mention glasses? Some of these people have glasses too and can still renew over the Internet with no problem. For me? Life isn't that easy. The letter states I must come in to one of their facilities for a vision test...and that makes me sick! The last time I went, I had to return to the facility three times because I failed the test and was forced to spend over $300 on new glasses. When I went back again, they made me take the test again even though I went there immediately upon leaving the eye doctor. I took the test and the woman behind the counter said, "Gee, I don't know. This really isn't good but I'll let you squeak by. You'd better go back to the eye doctor though!" Yeah, I jumped right on it. I've come to the conclusion that if I were a 98 year old man half deaf and blind as a bat who's also senile, I wouldn't have all the crap that I'm getting now. This is why George Ryan still belongs in office rather than letting some jury decide if his future plans include a federal prison. When Ryan was Secretary of State, we didn't have to cut through all this red tape to get a license renewal. If I failed the vision test, all I had to do is slide the emplyee behind the counter a $20 bill and the next step would be sitting in front of that blue curtain for my photo to be taken, and finally, wait for the laminating machine to spit out the finished product. Jesse White and Rod Blagoyavich wrecked the "right way" of doing business for all of us. As I wait to go and get my renewal when I'm damn good and ready, I'm going to keep on driving. When I do go to the driving facility and they tell me I need new glasses, I'll be faxing a copy of the bill to Jesse White and I sure hope he's got a few hundred clams in his checkbook, because he's writing me a check. Illinois screws you any way they can! I'm outta here!

posted by Dave Sypniewski at Tuesday, April 11, 2006

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