AUTHOR: Dave Sypniewski DATE: Friday, March 03, 2006 ----- BODY: Welcome to wonderful Harvey Illinois! Crack addicts, prostitution, drive-by shootings, and a dozen liquor stores on every block. If you smoke, no need to spend the almost five bucks on a pack...the Arab storekeeper will sell you a cigarette for half a buck. Let's not forget the nudie bars where if you're tall enough to pull open the door, they'll let you in. Sadly, this is also the place where comedian Tom Dreeson spent his childhood and is still proud to call the place his "home away from Hollywood" when he yucks it up on Leno and Letterman. Now, the towns big claim to fame has a date with the wrecking ball. Dixie Square Mall, one of the first malls built in the Chicago area has been an eyesore since 1981 when it closed it's doors forever. All that remains is an empty building the size of two football fields. The last thing to pass through the door was a battered Plymouth Fury police car in the flick The Blues Brothers. Knowing full well that the mall was going out of business, the owners were more than happy to allow John Belushi and Dan Akroyd to try and elude the state police by driving through the place. With tumbleweeds blowing through the parking lot like the old west, the property owners recently thought they could actually lure another NBA team to Chicago! They tried to get Toronto to move here as well as Charlotte. It was a great idea! A one stop crime complex. Now that Harvey owns the property, they're tearing it down to make way for progress...more stores. First, they want film buffs to dig deep into their pockets and actually purchase bricks for upwards of $100 a piece! They must be crazy! They even tried to lure Dan Akroyd to the mall to say a few words before the walls come down. Surprisingly, he declined. Afterall, his Blues Brothers 2000 movie which had all kinds of references to Chicago was actually filmed in Toronto. Harvey isn't even a safe place for a movie star to spend an afternoon. Now what's so special about a brick? How do I know that the brick I purchase was actually seen in the movie? To buy a brick, one would have to be hit in the head by one! The last time we heard from Van Halen was when ex-Extreme singer Gary Cherone got behind the microphone as the 3rd lead singer for a horrible record. It was an experimental thing that went haywire and was produced by Mike Post. Yes, the guy that wrote theme songs for such shows as Hill Street Blues, L.A. Law, Providence and so on. A few weeks after the records release, it turned up in the cutout bin at Best Buy for $1.99. So, the rumors are swirling...what will VH do next? When INXS turned to a reality show to seek a new singer, the VH boys balked at the idea. Now that INXS has had a major success and their first ever number one album, they're starting to sing a different tune. So in a few months, we may very well see "Rock Star:Van Halen", or maybe not. I think the band should just hang it up for good and save themselves the embarrasment of adding another asterisk next to the name of another former lead singer. Maybe Eddie Van Halen should take a good look in the mirror and realize that he just might be a pain in the ass to work with! It's almost like the long list of drummers that played in Spinal Tap. I think Valerie Bertinelli must have taken most of Eddie's money now that he's considering making another record and possibly going on tour next year if everything works out right. I think they should forget about going on television and pretending to be Simon Cowell. Let those guys go on tour next year to do a "Greatest Hits" concert. Rather than hire a new lead singer, they can pull people out of the audience to sing a song with the band "Karaoke style". May as well! Somewhere in New York and Cabo Wabo Islands, David Lee Roth, Sammy Hagar, and Gary Cherone are finally all in agreement on one thing: That's a STUPID idea Eddie! THAT'S the way I see it. Rock on! -------- Squealing Pig WORLDWIDE!: ...And the walls come tumblin' down AND is the 4th time the charm?

Squealing Pig WORLDWIDE!

Friday, March 03, 2006

...And the walls come tumblin' down AND is the 4th time the charm?

Welcome to wonderful Harvey Illinois! Crack addicts, prostitution, drive-by shootings, and a dozen liquor stores on every block. If you smoke, no need to spend the almost five bucks on a pack...the Arab storekeeper will sell you a cigarette for half a buck. Let's not forget the nudie bars where if you're tall enough to pull open the door, they'll let you in. Sadly, this is also the place where comedian Tom Dreeson spent his childhood and is still proud to call the place his "home away from Hollywood" when he yucks it up on Leno and Letterman. Now, the towns big claim to fame has a date with the wrecking ball. Dixie Square Mall, one of the first malls built in the Chicago area has been an eyesore since 1981 when it closed it's doors forever. All that remains is an empty building the size of two football fields. The last thing to pass through the door was a battered Plymouth Fury police car in the flick The Blues Brothers. Knowing full well that the mall was going out of business, the owners were more than happy to allow John Belushi and Dan Akroyd to try and elude the state police by driving through the place. With tumbleweeds blowing through the parking lot like the old west, the property owners recently thought they could actually lure another NBA team to Chicago! They tried to get Toronto to move here as well as Charlotte. It was a great idea! A one stop crime complex. Now that Harvey owns the property, they're tearing it down to make way for progress...more stores. First, they want film buffs to dig deep into their pockets and actually purchase bricks for upwards of $100 a piece! They must be crazy! They even tried to lure Dan Akroyd to the mall to say a few words before the walls come down. Surprisingly, he declined. Afterall, his Blues Brothers 2000 movie which had all kinds of references to Chicago was actually filmed in Toronto. Harvey isn't even a safe place for a movie star to spend an afternoon. Now what's so special about a brick? How do I know that the brick I purchase was actually seen in the movie? To buy a brick, one would have to be hit in the head by one! The last time we heard from Van Halen was when ex-Extreme singer Gary Cherone got behind the microphone as the 3rd lead singer for a horrible record. It was an experimental thing that went haywire and was produced by Mike Post. Yes, the guy that wrote theme songs for such shows as Hill Street Blues, L.A. Law, Providence and so on. A few weeks after the records release, it turned up in the cutout bin at Best Buy for $1.99. So, the rumors are swirling...what will VH do next? When INXS turned to a reality show to seek a new singer, the VH boys balked at the idea. Now that INXS has had a major success and their first ever number one album, they're starting to sing a different tune. So in a few months, we may very well see "Rock Star:Van Halen", or maybe not. I think the band should just hang it up for good and save themselves the embarrasment of adding another asterisk next to the name of another former lead singer. Maybe Eddie Van Halen should take a good look in the mirror and realize that he just might be a pain in the ass to work with! It's almost like the long list of drummers that played in Spinal Tap. I think Valerie Bertinelli must have taken most of Eddie's money now that he's considering making another record and possibly going on tour next year if everything works out right. I think they should forget about going on television and pretending to be Simon Cowell. Let those guys go on tour next year to do a "Greatest Hits" concert. Rather than hire a new lead singer, they can pull people out of the audience to sing a song with the band "Karaoke style". May as well! Somewhere in New York and Cabo Wabo Islands, David Lee Roth, Sammy Hagar, and Gary Cherone are finally all in agreement on one thing: That's a STUPID idea Eddie! THAT'S the way I see it. Rock on!

posted by Dave Sypniewski at Friday, March 03, 2006

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