"The Van Halens" coming soon to Lifetime and John and Yoko "oh no!"
Crazy Eddie, you really screwed up! Rocker Eddie Van Halen is probably at home today licking his wounds and trying to figure out why everything in life is going sour. There was a time when everything Eddie touched turned to Gold; in the past decade however, Eddie's midas touch has turned everything to poop. Poor Valerie Bertinelli. In the photo to the far left which was taken at a Hollywood premiere party several moths ago, she doesn't seem to be too happy. Plans were probably already in the works to call it quits on 24 years of highs and lows. Who will be the first to write the book? One thing is for sure...there's hardly a weekend that goes by without Valerie in some cheezy Lifetime movie. When the rights to the film are sold and casting begins, she can happily play herself. Come to think of it, Eddie can play himself too! What the heck has he done in the last 10 years besides rehab and fighting cancer? Oh, I forgot. He also managed to hire and fire three lead singers in Van Halen. First, David Lee Roth got the axe, then Sammy Hagar, and finally Gary Cherone. Let us not forget the rehiring of David and Sammy for what was supposed to be a full time gig but turned out to be only a song apiece for two "Greatest Hits" records. Matter of fact, Eddie screwed those guys so bad that Sammy moved all the way to Cabo Wabo Island and Dave is hanging out in New York doing radio with Comedy Central's Adam Corolla. If there's ever another Van Halen record, Eddie should borrow a page from INXS and have a contest for a new singer. Meanwhile, Valerie is going to be single again. Now that's what I'm talking about! ...It was 25 years ago today that John Lennon was killed outside his New York City apartment by a troubled guy named Mark David Chapman. It's too bad because his "weird" phase was just about over. He shaved, got his haircut, and quit going on talk shows saying he's more popular than Jesus. The only bad habit he didn't drop was his silly wife Yoko. OK, in Yoko's defense, she's always taking the heat for breaking up The Beatles. The truth is, the band was running out of gas way before Yoko. It was a rough schedule when those guys were pumping out two or three records a year...something unheard of today. I remember when the guy got shot and listening to "Sgt. Pepper's" . I thought that was his legacy. I was wrong. Little did I know that right around the corner "Double Fantasy" would be released and although the Lennon tracks were good, he put aside half the album so Yoko could sing. She sang worse than the dogs that sing Jingle Bells. That was John's Coda, and I still make it a point to pass over the Yoko tracks. Things got worse though. Who can forget "The History of The Beatles" volumes 1-3 from the late 1990's that took an unfinished Lennon song and completed it with the help of the three remaining bandmates. "Free As a Bird" should never have been finished, and certainly not by slapping The Beatles on it and trying to pass it off for a Beatles record. That was Yoko's idea. With the passing of John and George, and Ringo in hiding somewhere with Dick Cheney, Yoko has turned her daggers towards Sir Paul again. This time, she's angry that Paul's name comes before John's on some old songs. Get over it lady! For someone who always preached peace, you're not doing a very good job! If John were still alive, it might be 25 years of being divorced for you! John and Paul would probably be writing more music now. THAT'S the way I see it!
posted by Dave Sypniewski at
Thursday, December 08, 2005
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