AUTHOR: Dave Sypniewski DATE: Thursday, August 04, 2005 ----- BODY: Don't have anything to do this weekend? Well, put your shit kickers on, shine up that big belt buckle and throw on the stetson hat. This weekend is the opening of the Lake County, IN. Fair (not to be confused with the Lake County in IL). It's always such a joy to stroll through the mud and gravel and see a lot of kin folk get real excited over nothing. A lot of the folks you come across treat this like a weeklong holiday. Afterall, this big event takes a whole year to prepare for. You choose one or more of your farm animals and monitor them the entire year. You make sure they're neat and clean, healthy, fed well...you name it. Then you sit out in the 100 degree heat for a week to get a blue ribbon and your name in the paper. Oh Joy! The thing that amazes me the most which many people don't realize, is that you can enter anything you have laying around the house and walk away with a prize of some sort. It doesn't matter if whatever it is might be the tallest or shortest, biggest or smallest, thickest or thinnest, cleanest or dirtiest, or ripest or most rotten. These people work so hard for 365 days they put the planners of the Rose Bowl Parade to shame. Don't these people know that everyone is a winner? It's like pin the tail on the donkey at a 5 year olds birthday party: One kid wins, but everyone gets a prize so nobody goes home in tears being a spoiled sport. Animals aside, there are competitions for biggest and smallest sunflowers, sweetest and tartest jams, and thickest and thinnest string beans. You know, I probably could enter a bruised orange that rolled off the produce counter at Jewel and win a blue ribbon too! Here's the thing that really gets me though: All the little "extras" scattered around the grounds that you have pay for. I'm not talking the greasy corn dogs or shooting water in the clown's mouth to make a balloon pop...I'm talking running into the greasy, grimey, long haired, tattoo covered men and women that still wear Guns and Roses shirts and want you to give them half a buck to see something "spectacular" in their little tents. If you're lucky enough, you'll get to see either the world's biggest or smallest animals. A friend and I once made it a point to hit every one of these things to see what the fuss was all about. Well, the world's smallest alligator also moonlights for Geico. "Big Jim" is always there year after year. He's no bigger than a Clydesdale and always faces the wall wagging his tail and swatting all the flies around his ass. One year we were there, Big Jim finally turned around to greet us. Mother's were covering their children's eyes for as Jim started walking, his large penis was dragging across the dirt...I guess that was worth the price of admission. In any event, if you go, take a tomato with you from home and find where these are being displayed. Lay it down by all the winners, atand back for a while, then walk up to it and take a big bite out of it. The people around you will be in shock thinking you're eating a blue ribbon winner. Those are the plusses and minusses of the Lake County Fair. THAT'S the way I see it! -------- Squealing Pig WORLDWIDE!: The Squealing Pigs are ready for the fair!

Squealing Pig WORLDWIDE!

Thursday, August 04, 2005

The Squealing Pigs are ready for the fair!

Don't have anything to do this weekend? Well, put your shit kickers on, shine up that big belt buckle and throw on the stetson hat. This weekend is the opening of the Lake County, IN. Fair (not to be confused with the Lake County in IL). It's always such a joy to stroll through the mud and gravel and see a lot of kin folk get real excited over nothing. A lot of the folks you come across treat this like a weeklong holiday. Afterall, this big event takes a whole year to prepare for. You choose one or more of your farm animals and monitor them the entire year. You make sure they're neat and clean, healthy, fed well...you name it. Then you sit out in the 100 degree heat for a week to get a blue ribbon and your name in the paper. Oh Joy! The thing that amazes me the most which many people don't realize, is that you can enter anything you have laying around the house and walk away with a prize of some sort. It doesn't matter if whatever it is might be the tallest or shortest, biggest or smallest, thickest or thinnest, cleanest or dirtiest, or ripest or most rotten. These people work so hard for 365 days they put the planners of the Rose Bowl Parade to shame. Don't these people know that everyone is a winner? It's like pin the tail on the donkey at a 5 year olds birthday party: One kid wins, but everyone gets a prize so nobody goes home in tears being a spoiled sport. Animals aside, there are competitions for biggest and smallest sunflowers, sweetest and tartest jams, and thickest and thinnest string beans. You know, I probably could enter a bruised orange that rolled off the produce counter at Jewel and win a blue ribbon too! Here's the thing that really gets me though: All the little "extras" scattered around the grounds that you have pay for. I'm not talking the greasy corn dogs or shooting water in the clown's mouth to make a balloon pop...I'm talking running into the greasy, grimey, long haired, tattoo covered men and women that still wear Guns and Roses shirts and want you to give them half a buck to see something "spectacular" in their little tents. If you're lucky enough, you'll get to see either the world's biggest or smallest animals. A friend and I once made it a point to hit every one of these things to see what the fuss was all about. Well, the world's smallest alligator also moonlights for Geico. "Big Jim" is always there year after year. He's no bigger than a Clydesdale and always faces the wall wagging his tail and swatting all the flies around his ass. One year we were there, Big Jim finally turned around to greet us. Mother's were covering their children's eyes for as Jim started walking, his large penis was dragging across the dirt...I guess that was worth the price of admission. In any event, if you go, take a tomato with you from home and find where these are being displayed. Lay it down by all the winners, atand back for a while, then walk up to it and take a big bite out of it. The people around you will be in shock thinking you're eating a blue ribbon winner. Those are the plusses and minusses of the Lake County Fair. THAT'S the way I see it!

posted by Dave Sypniewski at Thursday, August 04, 2005

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