AUTHOR: Dave Sypniewski DATE: Tuesday, July 26, 2005 ----- BODY: Thank goodness this is over...or is it? Lance Armstrong has retired after seven wins at the Tour de France and not a moment too soon. I've already grown tired of the guy and all the stuff he's got to say. He's in a close race with Tom Cruise for being annoying, and sometime this week him and his "whatever" will also spill the beans on Oprah. I wish I could be in the audience for the "Q and A" portion that usually airs on Oxygen at night. I would like to personally thank Lance for giving us those yellow bracelets. Without those, there wouldn't be a blue one for Cubs legend, Ron Santo. There also wouldn't be a black and white one for the Sox. Come to think of it, there wouldn't be an orange one, red one, white one,green one, pink one...sorry Lance, I think what started out as a good idea has now turned into a fad as well as a money making scheme. The kids are scooping them up however, is anyone sure what color goes for what cause? Is there even a cause in the first place? Now, I think Michael Jordan has been whispering in Lance's ear about what retirement really means. If you listen to Mike, he'll tell you that retirement is like being married: You won't do it once, you'll do it two or three times before you're through. As Lance hangs up his Huffy 10 speed bike, he claims that he wants to be home with the kids. Funny thing is, no mention of Sheryl Crow. That's the real reason why he wants to stay home. When she grows tired of the guy and moves on, and Lance discovers he's not ready for Texas politics, the tire pump will come out of the closet and he'll go for #8. You'll see, because THAT'S the way I see things today. -------- Squealing Pig WORLDWIDE!: Lance Armstrong's "retirement"

Squealing Pig WORLDWIDE!

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Lance Armstrong's "retirement"

Thank goodness this is over...or is it? Lance Armstrong has retired after seven wins at the Tour de France and not a moment too soon. I've already grown tired of the guy and all the stuff he's got to say. He's in a close race with Tom Cruise for being annoying, and sometime this week him and his "whatever" will also spill the beans on Oprah. I wish I could be in the audience for the "Q and A" portion that usually airs on Oxygen at night. I would like to personally thank Lance for giving us those yellow bracelets. Without those, there wouldn't be a blue one for Cubs legend, Ron Santo. There also wouldn't be a black and white one for the Sox. Come to think of it, there wouldn't be an orange one, red one, white one,green one, pink one...sorry Lance, I think what started out as a good idea has now turned into a fad as well as a money making scheme. The kids are scooping them up however, is anyone sure what color goes for what cause? Is there even a cause in the first place? Now, I think Michael Jordan has been whispering in Lance's ear about what retirement really means. If you listen to Mike, he'll tell you that retirement is like being married: You won't do it once, you'll do it two or three times before you're through. As Lance hangs up his Huffy 10 speed bike, he claims that he wants to be home with the kids. Funny thing is, no mention of Sheryl Crow. That's the real reason why he wants to stay home. When she grows tired of the guy and moves on, and Lance discovers he's not ready for Texas politics, the tire pump will come out of the closet and he'll go for #8. You'll see, because THAT'S the way I see things today.

posted by Dave Sypniewski at Tuesday, July 26, 2005

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