Jose, Sammy, Mark, Raphael to the WWE?
BREAKING NEWS PRESS RELEASE (Los Angeles, CA) A Spokesman for the controversial World Wrestling Entertainment known for it's drop kicks, moonsaults, and piledrivers, announced today that due to recent events between Major League Baseball and Congress, WWE is soaking up the remainder of contracts for players on the current rosters, and offerieng multi-million dollar deals to those players retired or deemed "uneligeable" to participate in the 2005 season due to steroid use. "They were foolish sons of bitches for doing what they did, but we're giving them a second chance." according to WWE's Jeff Stone. "All these guys would be a perfect fit, and believe me, we'll take anything we can get at this point. The WWE isn't doing too hot either." He's right, it's been several years since shares of WWE stock went public, and they have plummeted. Baseball currently has it's own troubles with a congressional commitee investigating a steroid scandel brought to light by former Oakland A's player Jose Canseco. One person who finally decided to speak was former Chicago Cub slugger Sammy Sosa: "I been doing the needle. Bud Selig gave me the needle, now he doesn't remember me? Screw this baseball! Chicago kicked me out, and Vince McMahon took me in. He doesn't care about the steroids, in fact, he encourages it. So, I'm talking to you Undertaker, brother. When I get to Wrestlemania next week, I'm gonna give you the Sammy Slammy!" Ex-WWE Superstar Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson said, "Brother, if Sammy Sosa and Jose Canseco wanna go down to L.A. and mix it up with the boys, then let them go and take those syringes, turn the son of a bitches sideways, and stick the needles right up their rooty poo, candy-asses, if you smell....what The Rock, is cooking." Wrestlemania XXI happens in L.A. the first Sunday in April. (Larry Davidson contributed to the story)
posted by Dave Sypniewski at
Saturday, March 19, 2005
